Funny English : Sheep jokes - no cheap jokes
::: Drunk sheep :::
A man and his pet sheep walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts.
As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my sheep." The bartender sets them up and they pour them down.
Suddenly, the sheep falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a sheep."
pet sheep: Hausschaf, Lieblingsschaf
set up = here: hinstellen (servieren) pour a drink down: einen Drink runterkippen |
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Zum Bearbeiten hier klicken .
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Then click on my screen on the left and I will tell you the punchline! |
::: None of your business :::
A sheep farmer is tending his flock when a city slicker rolls up in his BMW, hops out and asks, "Hey, if I tell you exactly how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The farmer nods, so the city slicker opens his laptop, calls up some satellite photos, runs some algorithms, and announces, "You have 1,432 sheep." Impressed, the farmer says, "You're right. Go ahead and take one." So the city slicker loads one of the animals into the backseat of the car. "Now," says the farmer, "I'll bet all my sheep against your car that I can tell you what you do for a living." A gaming sort, the city slicker says, "Sure." "You're a consultant," says the farmer. "Wow!" says the consultant. "How'd you know?" |
Vocabulary ::: tending = hüten
flock= Herde announce = verkünden do sth. for a living = seinen Lebensunterhalt verdienen city slicker = Großstadtheld
a gaming sort of person = eine Spielernatur flash= luxuriös (British English) smart = hier elegant |
"Well," says the farmer, "you come from nowhere even though I never asked you to.
You drive a flash car, and wear a smart suit. You told me something I already knew. And you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my dog." |
::: Going to the Zoo :::
One day a man and his wife were walking down the street when they came across a sheep. "Oh!" exclaimed the man, "What shall we do with it?" "I know," said his wife, "We'll ask a policeman."
So they found a policeman and explained what had happened. "Well," said the policeman, "I think it's the best thing to take it to the zoo."
" What a good idea", said the woman,"we'll go there straight away."
The next morning the policeman was walking down the same street when he saw the couple again - with the sheep.
"I thought I told you to take the sheep to the zoo", the policeman said. "Well, we did," said the man, "we took it to the zoo and we all had a really good time. So this afternoon we're taking it to the cinema, and tonight we're going to have a meal in a vegetarian restaurant."
Well, I guess that policeman had a rather sheepish look on his face.
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come across = begegnen
exclaim = (aus)rufen staright away = sofort |
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couple = Paar (nur Menschen! Bei Schuhen sagt man a pair of shoes)
sheepish = dümmlich, dämlich rather = ziemlich |
You'll find a nice grammar lesson based on this cute joke here soon!
We are happy to invite you when it is online. |